I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just invented taco cereal.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
