My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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