Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
