she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
