What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
