so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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