We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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