using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
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