i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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