I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Randomize
