We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
