Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
