I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
