How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
