i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I will be naked everywhere
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize