Whats the glycemic index on semen?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
