It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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