my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
