So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
