You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
