he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
