so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
