On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
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Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
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I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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