Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
