her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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