so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
