just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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