I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
