He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
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He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
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Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize