It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
