Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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