I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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