and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize