it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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