On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
