You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
