Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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