Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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