Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
