Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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