I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
