He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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