people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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