I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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