Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
