im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
