I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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