Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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