We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
