shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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