I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
