Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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