you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
