You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
