and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
