everyone is single if you try hard enough
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
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I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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