apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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