just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
