i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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