moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
