Moan for me like Helen Keller
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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