Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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