im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
