i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
