need another drink. this is the easiest way
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
