I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
