it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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