I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
