I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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