Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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