I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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